In between some of the chapters of the book I am writing, “Inside the Forbidden Outside”, I am going to print some of Jamie’s letters. I want the reader to be able to read his words. I made small changes and took out personal statements that had nothing to do with the issue and didn’t need to be shared. These letters were published on the main blog at My Name is Jamie. My Life in Prison” I’ll be using the letters that received the most views and responses.
I also want to include music I wrote with the sale of the book. You can find all of the music pieces here. Sonni Quick Improvisational Piano Music I’d like some feed back about what you think of that idea. Would it be a plus to you, as a new reader, to see it advertised that music is included? Your comment is helpful to me and very appreciated. If you want to be on the book mailing list please go to firstname.lastname@example.org and leave a msg so I have your address.
Also, if you would like to send an email to Jamie you can write to that email address and I will forward it through jpay.com, which is a prison email service. Many of you have been following Jamie’s blog and I know he would like it a lot if if heard from any one you. So, if you can, take a few minutes and let him know who you are. He can’t email back, but he can write back longhand if you leave your address. Right now, sitting in adseg again, getting mail from the outside is helpful in keeping his samity together. The hardest thing to battle is loneliness and wondering if anyone remembers he is in there.
It’s okay. Don’t worry about me. I tell myself, don’t be discouraged. That is only downing myself. Always keep your confidence up and you will succeed. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. I don’t want anyone to feel as though I’m begging or even asking too much. I’m sorry. Please, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. This is what I get for breaking the law. Please, I just need help seeing my son. That’s all. I want nothing else.
I ask myself over and over, why won’t someone bring my son to see me? I do deserve to see him. He is all I have. However, no one else thinks it’s important. Doesn’t anyone think he needs to see me, too? I know what it’s like to not have a father. Maybe if tried to get moved to another unit, then there would be a good excuse to not let me see him. If I was moved further away from home then everyone would be able to use excuses like, “It’s too far away”,“I can’t afford the gas” or “I can’t take the time off work.” Then it would be easier for them to let themselves off the hook. When I was in a prison far away I understood why I didn’t see anyone, except that one time. But I’ve been close, only a couple hours away for a long time and it hasn’t made much difference. Maybe his mother just wants to keep me from him. I hate to think that but it’s hard not to. It’s just too inconvenient to take the time.
If I knew people cared, as they say they do, it would be a lot easier on me. Without you, I would know anything. I’ve been kept me blind for so long on how little Jamie is doing. That hurts like hell! Why? Why do I have to hurt like that? Oh, forget I asked that question. There have been many times I have wanted to give up. Other People have a lot on their plate and they still manage to find the time and come to see the person they say they love. Life is full of unanswered questions.
I’ve written letters to my mother. A lot of the time I get them back. She moves around a lot. The last address I got was my grandmother’s. My (biological) mom came to visited me last year. First time in at least 6 years. It’s not her fault, though. I was in a couple units that were far away. Clear across Texas. Too far to make it there and back in a day. A few days maybe. I’m closer now so maybe I’ll get to see her more often. She said she was going to come visit me more often. I told her twice a month would be great. I waited and waited, hoping each weekend that she’d come. Five months went by. She never came back until a couple weeks ago. Still, I was really glad to see her.
It would be good if I someone could take Jamie to my mom’s house and then she could bring Jamie to see me. Then we could take some pictures together. But they aren’t getting along right now so I doubt that will happen. The one who misses out the most is little Jamie. He needs all of his family. I’m just asking a favor for me and my son. I wish I could see my grandmother, too. Maybe she could come with my mom sometime if she’s well enough. Oh, I guess that’s enough about all of this. Since no one talks to me all of this is just guessing. I didn’t know this was the way my family would treat me. It gets me depressed just thinking about it.